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In between

Neither here
Nor there
Not now
Not later
This or that I can’t tell
May be or may be not
Will be probably

This is what matters most
Everyday we live in between
Friends and foes
Promises kept and broken
Year of victory and of loss

Somewhere between vice and virtue
Lies the destiny that is true
No matter what
It is always there somewhere
Our fate in between
All those moments
Lived or lost

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Ignore inexperienced Mr. Know all

It is about all those people who have a little knowledge that truly is dangerous. Most of us come across these Mr. Know alls who probably know nothing . The emptier the vessel of their experience the bigger noise they make.
The best way to define them is that they are extremely curious and want to know about anything and everything. Even if that knowledge could probably be of no use to them yet they waste their time on it.
Cooking is one of my hobbies and it is my outlet. Close friends and family know about it. They have always been very appreciative. There are people who have rich experience in this field but they never advice me on anything. They will certainly help me if I need it otherwise they stay out of it. Honestly kitchen is my domain and I love to put ‘do not disturb'(if I get a chance to do so)
One can not be lucky all the time. There are times when I do get disturbed. The most annoying is when you get advice from someone who has never cooked at all.
Trust me it is so easy to judge if someone is lying. Especially after that show on Anderson live where a woman who wrote a book on how to detect liars, it has become a lot easier.
The best way to identify them is they will hyperbole and add words like always or mostly in their sentences. Along with you will find a lot of non verbal signs to read.
The point is that the Mr. Know alls are the biggest waste of time. It is really important to ignore them. Trust your own knowledge and skills. And never let anybody else takeover with their too little knowledge.

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An eternal couple- Samosa and Chai

I don’t know when and where

Or how exactly it started

But it truly is the best marriage

Together they are the best

 

Over an endless number of times

I had them and yet

Each time experience is different

How could I imagine my life

Without them

 

Not just the days but the moments

The thoughts shared and ideas exchanged

Discussions and meetings

Plans to follow and news

From around the world

 

Laughs and grudges

I have complaints

Or some compliments

Almost the time

To run back

 

Such a delight

To spend a few minutes

With the couple

Unwind and be ready

To grind again

 

God bless them

As they never fail

To do their duty

Take me back to the time

The words for words

 

Definitely learned a lot

While having them

How could I not thank you

For being in my life

 

 

 

 

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Struggle is same everywhere-Finding a companion is not easy anywhere

Life’s two biggest searches are probably finding the right career and right match. If you have got the best of career then next important task is to find someone to share your life with. For some people it is real easy while others go through a long struggle to search someone special. 

I am a married Indian woman and moved to Canada nearly three years ago. In India arranged marriages are still the most prevalent norm. Families are more involved in the process than the bride and the groom themselves. Though the whole idea seems absurd in this part of the world but it works wonderfully there.  I have observed parents searching the partner for their children when they reach marriageable age. At times it looks more like trial and error process. They go through the list of responses they have received through the matrimonial classifieds and shortlist them. Sometimes it is hilarious to see the way brides and grooms are advertised in the classified columns of daily newspapers.

Despite the help from different marriage bureaus, matrimonial ads, websites and friends or family the search can even take couple of years or more. Along with there are added pressures of getting old or passing the marriage age (roughly 18-25). The older you get the tougher it gets to find the right match. Wherever you go we usually come across people connecting with new affluent people to seek match for someone in their family who is ready to get married.

I always thought that this is one big problem. May be we used to live in a closed society where the concept of dating is alien to most people. To be more precise it is generally not acceptable. Parents take it as their responsibility to get their children married when they are of the age. For very traditional and conservative families the rules are even stricter. Honestly I have come across numerous such cases where parents tried very hard to get their daughters or sons married. The pressure is mostly more on the parents rather than the bride or the groom to be.

Seriously, I felt that this problem would not have been that big if we leave the decision to the ones who are actually going to get married. The boy and girl can go through the process of searching and then proceed with their choice.  This is highly impossible right now but may be with the passage of time things might change. At least the parents will be saved from all the added stresses.

 In contrast finding the right one in Canada is lot easier in comparison to India because it is solely the decision of the people involved in a relationship. I visualized this as a different world altogether. Here dating is a very normal practice. Boys and girls are free to meet up and know each other before they tie the knot. No restrictions and obligations and no added stress for the parents to search. Here people can get married whenever they want to.

The reality in this country is even worse than what I thought. I have seen well accomplished, well educated, well networked or connected singles and yet they are not able to find the right match. These are the girls who go on dates and have freedom to live life the way they want. But even then they struggle hard to get married.  Let me be very clear I am not trying to generalize the whole case yet I know some friends and cousins of mine who are going through this phase.

One reason might be these girls have achieved so much at a young age. They look great and lively to be with. To sum up- smart, sassy, sexy and stylish modern women. May be the standards are too high to match with someone.

The problem is not just restricted with the girls but boys  as well. Many of my husband’s single friends who are ready to settle down but they also fail to find the right match. They have the best of the careers and doing well for themselves. No interference and freedom to meet up for dates but even then it has been more than three years since they are on a look out with no positive results.

Probably the stakes involved are too high to match their expectations. I believe it is even more difficult process as it is purely their decision.  A single person is responsible for one’s big decision. Ironically the singles who are ready to mingle (as in matrimony) are even more stressed out than the ones in India.

Whatever the place might be getting married or precisely finding life partner is not easy.   Arranged marriage basically eases off the burden as it is a collective decision of the family whereas here it is solely your own. I really look forward to see all of my single friends’ struggles with the search to be rightly rewarded very soon. Honestly, marriage is not a big deal all that matters is their happiness whether single or mingled.

To all of these friends I can give only one advice that my mother used to say “marriage is like a big gamble, however much you know a person before but the real knowledge begins when you start a life together.”

 

 

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Languages Grew From a Seed in Africa, Study Says – NYTimes.com

Languages Grew From a Seed in Africa, Study Says – NYTimes.com.

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France’s burka ban: To follow or not to follow !!!

The most debatable issue of the week has been the implementation of the ban on wearing burka (veil on the face) in public places in France. This has caused a contrary stir among the different sections of the society. On one hand  we have the feminist side that has always aided with doing away with this system of covering face but on the other side is  preserving once’s cultural legacy. Here the reason behind this stringent step is regarded as right for France, beneficial to its Muslim communities and justified.

As per some of the media reports on BBC there are many women who are not following this ban and continue to wear burka out of choice. They are ready to pay the fine and are protesting against this. For them it is denial of freedom  of expression.  As citizens of democratic nation they are not ready to accept it. It is rather strange to many feminists that many women claim to wear burka out of choice but hard to believe. The Muslim-identity seems to be taking this as the biggest blow to their sense of expression.

But this covering of face is not limited to Muslim religion. Even in India there were many non-muslim sections of the society that used to follow a pardah system (not wearing a burka but a veil on the face). I still remember during the early years of my childhood I have vitnessed Hindu married women covering their face in the front of the elders in the family or strangers in many parts of Punjab, Haryana, Himachal Pradesh, Rajasthan and Uttar Pradesh. But over last couple of decades we have seen less number of women following this practice.  Perhaps, this change was to keep pace with the changing times. Indian government has not passed any legislation to  do away with this practice. It came as a result of personal choice.

The world we are living in is moving fast and in this era of information superhighways burka seems to be  part of  the bygone era. With the growth there  has been a rise in global threats. Incidents of terror strikes are not unknown to us. Keeping the security and safety issue in mind this seems like a sensible move on the part of the French government.

There are many who believe that Burka is not a choice rather an obligation for many muslim women. According to a news report published in ‘The Guardian’ Mme Amara painstakingly explains the practice of wearing burka as  ” the problem with all those charming liberal pieties about allowing women to choose how they wish to dress. Large numbers of the women who wear the burka – whether in France, Britain or anywhere else – don’t have a choice”. Xavier Bertrand, head of the conservative UMP party, said the full veil “is simply a prison for women who wear it” and “will make no one believe” a woman wearing it wants to integrate. The issue in France is about integration of women with the rest of the population.  In a way making them active participants in the society.

All sounds so good on the part of new French legislation. President Nicolas Sarkozy said  full veil “is contrary to our values and contrary to the ideals we have of a woman’s dignity”.  Perhaps, this seems like a brave and bold initiative. The real battle is going to start because there has not been any EU nation that has tried to do away with the full veil  by passing a legislation.

The real reason behind the protest by muslim women is that again  this comes as something forced on them rather than out of choice. Had it been a personal choice it would have been more than welcome. The anonymity associated with burka should be replaced with the individual face. This full veil should have been done away with much earlier by women themselves. Not an outright rebellion but as a change with the changing times yet retaining the cultural values. Instead of coming up with a strict legislation French government should have taken the initiative to invest in education and uplift of this section of population making them more aware and informed. Thereby leading  them to make a personal choice instead of a forced one.

While the  multicultural self of mine still believes that every individual has a right for cultural expression. If we keep doing away with the cultural practices then the beauty of the cultural mosaic will be lost soon. Anything which is a result of  forced obligation to abide by the law or the religion is something I don’t support. Right to expression and free speech is basic for all the human beings. If these rights are denied then we are free no more.

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Social Networks Also Empower Enemies of Freedom – Newsweek

Social Networks Also Empower Enemies of Freedom – Newsweek.

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