Tag Archives: marriage

Struggle is same everywhere-Finding a companion is not easy anywhere

Life’s two biggest searches are probably finding the right career and right match. If you have got the best of career then next important task is to find someone to share your life with. For some people it is real easy while others go through a long struggle to search someone special. 

I am a married Indian woman and moved to Canada nearly three years ago. In India arranged marriages are still the most prevalent norm. Families are more involved in the process than the bride and the groom themselves. Though the whole idea seems absurd in this part of the world but it works wonderfully there.  I have observed parents searching the partner for their children when they reach marriageable age. At times it looks more like trial and error process. They go through the list of responses they have received through the matrimonial classifieds and shortlist them. Sometimes it is hilarious to see the way brides and grooms are advertised in the classified columns of daily newspapers.

Despite the help from different marriage bureaus, matrimonial ads, websites and friends or family the search can even take couple of years or more. Along with there are added pressures of getting old or passing the marriage age (roughly 18-25). The older you get the tougher it gets to find the right match. Wherever you go we usually come across people connecting with new affluent people to seek match for someone in their family who is ready to get married.

I always thought that this is one big problem. May be we used to live in a closed society where the concept of dating is alien to most people. To be more precise it is generally not acceptable. Parents take it as their responsibility to get their children married when they are of the age. For very traditional and conservative families the rules are even stricter. Honestly I have come across numerous such cases where parents tried very hard to get their daughters or sons married. The pressure is mostly more on the parents rather than the bride or the groom to be.

Seriously, I felt that this problem would not have been that big if we leave the decision to the ones who are actually going to get married. The boy and girl can go through the process of searching and then proceed with their choice.  This is highly impossible right now but may be with the passage of time things might change. At least the parents will be saved from all the added stresses.

 In contrast finding the right one in Canada is lot easier in comparison to India because it is solely the decision of the people involved in a relationship. I visualized this as a different world altogether. Here dating is a very normal practice. Boys and girls are free to meet up and know each other before they tie the knot. No restrictions and obligations and no added stress for the parents to search. Here people can get married whenever they want to.

The reality in this country is even worse than what I thought. I have seen well accomplished, well educated, well networked or connected singles and yet they are not able to find the right match. These are the girls who go on dates and have freedom to live life the way they want. But even then they struggle hard to get married.  Let me be very clear I am not trying to generalize the whole case yet I know some friends and cousins of mine who are going through this phase.

One reason might be these girls have achieved so much at a young age. They look great and lively to be with. To sum up- smart, sassy, sexy and stylish modern women. May be the standards are too high to match with someone.

The problem is not just restricted with the girls but boys  as well. Many of my husband’s single friends who are ready to settle down but they also fail to find the right match. They have the best of the careers and doing well for themselves. No interference and freedom to meet up for dates but even then it has been more than three years since they are on a look out with no positive results.

Probably the stakes involved are too high to match their expectations. I believe it is even more difficult process as it is purely their decision.  A single person is responsible for one’s big decision. Ironically the singles who are ready to mingle (as in matrimony) are even more stressed out than the ones in India.

Whatever the place might be getting married or precisely finding life partner is not easy.   Arranged marriage basically eases off the burden as it is a collective decision of the family whereas here it is solely your own. I really look forward to see all of my single friends’ struggles with the search to be rightly rewarded very soon. Honestly, marriage is not a big deal all that matters is their happiness whether single or mingled.

To all of these friends I can give only one advice that my mother used to say “marriage is like a big gamble, however much you know a person before but the real knowledge begins when you start a life together.”




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